Sentence Structure Should Be Your Friend

Let’s play a little game called, ‘Did You Have a Stroke This Morning?” The rules are as follows. If you can make your employer say, “Did You Have a Stoke This Morning?” you’ve won. If you gather enough wins, you can get the grand prize of unemployment.

Just for funsies, let’s have a couple rounds. You’re my boss, and you quickly start losing respect for my work.

a) Everybody should own a vacuum cleaner. Our vacuum cleaner is a great deal. You need to buy this product now. There are only twenty left in stock. Be our satisfied customer.

b) I love spring days, and nothing says spring like the first spring flowers. There’s nothing like that scent, and I am a scent aficionado. I went walking this morning, and I observed a lot of other spring-like things. I noticed birds singing, and it was the most beautiful sound I have heard in a while.

singing

These flow awkwardly because the sentences are too similarly structured. Rarely is anyone going to be this poor of a writer, but if you get a complaint that your writing doesn’t “flow” despite you including every detail, it is likely you have chunks of your work that rise and fall in a way that is too patterned. It becomes sing song. Let’s fix  a) and b) now.

a) Everybody should own a vacuum cleaner, and you should be able to get deal on it. Buy it now–only twenty left in stock. Be one of our satisfied customers today.

b) I love spring days, and nothing says spring like the first spring flowers. Even as a scent aficionado, there’s nothing like it. I observed a lot of other spring-like things when I embarked on my walk this morning. Birds singing, for example, was the most beautiful sound I have heard in a while.

I’ve now failed twice. Maybe I get my job back. Hm, I’ll have to consult the rule book.

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Author: writingisforbirds

I am a marketing professional who loves to write. My interests are everything from crafts to social issues to birds to SEO.

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